Where We Go From Here

I finished my last chemotherapy treatment last Thursday. It was both a celebration of sorts and a bit of an anticlimax. I went through my usual routine, and then it was over. Thus far, the following days have been less difficult than some of the previous cycles, although I am very aware that it will take time to get back to anything resembling a “normal” routine, which will not be the same “normal” it once was.

I’ve explained to several friends already that I refuse to let this cancer define who I am. I am not my disease; it is just one factor in my life that will require attention, chronic in nature, which will need management through another medication, monitoring and occasional other intervention, no doubt. However, life is much more than being obsessed with “my disease”.

Before it became necessary to institute the chemotherapy, I was able to carry on with life that was satisfying, at least for someone of my age and condition. There were challenging times and difficult days, but I was able to do the things that mattered to me. That becomes the new objective: to return to a similar level even if it’s a lesser one. The next two weeks should provide a little insight to that, after I once again have lab work done and see the doctor. From previous conversations, I understand I will go back on oral medication for management and continue receiving Lupron injections every three months. Being similar to my previous routine, minus the Prednisone, my thought is that I can learn to live with it, just as before.

What has carried me through this time, and what will continue to sustain me, is the knowledge and comfort of all the prayers that have been offered on my behalf, all the love that’s been shown to us, and the knowledge that God has had all of this in His control, working it to His glory and purpose. I will be honest enough to admit that I don’t completely understand what those purposes are, and where I fit into them. But one thing I have learned through all of this, as well as previous periods of challenge, is that He does have a purpose for me, and I trust Him with it completely. He has demonstrated His great love for me by providing all that I have needed during this, and if I failed to trust Him it would be a demonstration of profound ingratitude and an egregious lack of faith.

So, regardless of what comes next, or how things progress or end up, I will always trust Him. That trust destroys worry and anxiety, brings joy, peace, and contentment, and allows me to live my life. And I can’t ask much more than that.